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Italy | Not identifying as a floor person

For anyone that has flown a European Cheapo-Airline - you get the deal.

The airports are often not the main airports, and it's usually chaos from top to bottom.

The first year I went travelling, I flew from Canada in Frankfurt and met Mel at the train station. It was a legit airline so I flew into the legit Frankfurt airport.

We travelled around for a few weeks, and we both flew back out of Frankfurt. We took the train to most places, but once we got to Krakow, we decided to fly to a few places because it was so cheap and we didn't have anything planned. We flew to Oslo, then Mallorca, and then back to Frankfurt to fly home.

Was the flight path logical? Absolutely not. But it's hilarious and so amateur, I love the story. Oslo was insanely expensive - my joke is that we ate Pringles ever night for dinner... because we did, but the snack sized can because we couldn't afford a full size. Also true.

Oslo to Mallorca basically from the top to the bottom of Europe - so again, never dawned on us that this was stupid. But the flights were cheap, we wanted a beach, and we were adventurous. I remember sitting in our Hostel in Krakow on the RyanAir website trying to find a couple destinations that flew from one to the next, where the last destination could get us back to Frankfurt, and where there was a beach. We were fairly inexperienced and had never heard of most of these destinations so our knowledge of each was a 15 second Google search.

Mallorca was good - funny story there for another day - and we flew back to Frankfurt. We landed in Frankfurt and go to baggage and I was like - I don't know where I am in the airport, so we go and ask information.

I asked where the train station was? And the lady was like - there isn't one. And I was like oh, no, I flew in here a few weeks ago, the train station was below the airport. And she was like - you're not at that airport sweetie, there is an hour bus ride into the city from. And at that very second, we both peak out the sliding door and see that there is only field as far as the eye can see. We were both like - eff.

So anyways, that was the first lesson in flying cheap airlines - you rarely end up at main airports.

Last week when I flew to Italy, the cheapest flight was from Paris Beauvais - which is of course - way the hell out of town. I had to take the metro, then a an hour bus, and then got to the airport. It was fine but whatever.

I get through security which was so busy and such a shitshow, and there are literally no seats to be found. Easily a thousand people waiting for flights and there was maybe 250 seats in the whole waiting area. So I sit on the floor.

When I got to the Italy, I was bitching to Trish that I had to sit on the floor and I forgot how chaotic flying cheap airlines are - it has been many years since I've flown them. Sitting on the floor, waiting in huge lines several times - you get it.

Flying home, I knew the Bologna airport was a main airport so I had high hopes. Wrong. Infinitely worse. Even more people and even less seats - it took me two hours to even find a space on the floor that wasn't in the middle of the airport.

So all of this is to say - I do not identify as a floor person. Actually, very far from it.

I am totally cool to stay in Hostels, fly these cheap airlines, take overnight trains with no beds, have an AirBnB with just a private room - almost anything in the name of travel and adventure. Where I draw the line, on a fundamental and soulful level, is being a floor person.

The last thing I am willing to do is sit on a dirty ass, airport floor SEVERAL TIMES.

If you are an internet connoisseur, you may have heard of horse girls. It's basically people making fun of others who are crazy into horses - whether that's riding them or literally acting like a horse and pretending to jump jumps... like a horse. Now, I have never really even been on a horse, let alone have rode a horse, BUT I would identify MORE as Horse Girl (I'm also a boy) than I do as a Floor Person...




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